God’s Lessons pt. 1

Recently, a friend and I decided to go our separate ways. Well, that’s not entirely how the story line went, and, I have to say, I actually don’t know the story line. I don’t know…

Source: God’s Lessons pt. 1


God’s Lessons pt. 1

Recently, a friend and I decided to go our separate ways.

Well, that’s not entirely how the story line went, and, I have to say, I actually don’t know the story line. I don’t know what happened, or how it happened, or when it happened…but it did. And, to be quite honest, although there isn’t much clarity in the situation, I don’t need it.

Recently, a friend and I decided to go our separate ways, and I am better because of it.

It was a sudden change, at least that’s what I thought. We went from hanging out in my apartment a few weeks before, to “let’s just be cordial” and “I don’t want to hurt your feelings” text messages after I had expressed concern.

It was a sudden change; One of those things that catches you off guard. One of those things that makes you wonder, “Well, what did I do?”, “Where did I go wrong?”…questions that I find I ask myself when any relationship ends…as if the ending of the relationship was somehow my fault. Now, I do not claim to be a perfect person nor a perfect friend, but I can honestly say that I do my very best.

I can say that during that “sudden change”, my emotions varied. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. The typical emotions that one feels when they know they’ve been cheated. The main feeling that I felt was that my best wasn’t good enough, but my flaws were. Needless to say, I was hurt.

But, by the end of the day, I noticed that there was a change within myself. I felt heavy. At first, I thought of it as my anger or sadness or combination of the two. But, then realized that that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it because I was smiling. I can’t explain it, but it was like something was filling me up. I was driving, on my way home when this was happening. I had expected to go to bed that night miserable. But I wasn’t miserable at all. I had incredible joy.

This may confuse some who are reading this expecting this to be some sad blog of a girl who lost a friend. But this post is of a girl (me) who lost a friend, but gained back something more valuable. I had a realization that the relationship that I was in with this “friend” was very one sided. I had given so much energy and love to a person, but I can’t say that that same energy and love was equally given back. Now, I am not here to bash this person; what good would that do my spirit. But I will say that I can remember all of the times that I was there to comfort, aid and support, but I cannot remember the same being given in return. I am here to say that all the late night crying sessions, advice givings, consoling, talking about God…all of that energy has been given back to me. It was the strangest feeling…almost like I wasn’t suppose to feel sad about my “loss”…because it wasn’t a loss. It was a lesson. One of God’s lessons, no doubt (and a long one at that. I knew this person for two years).

Preacher Joseph Prince once said in one of his sermons that if you drink from human relationships, you will thirst again. I remember writing this down and thinking that it only pertained to dating and always wanting to be in a relationship. Now I realize that this pertains to all relationships; even friends. I realized that I was so caught up in trying to be That Good Friend, that I chose to ignore the signs. I realized that I was somewhat dependent on this relationship, as if it proved how good of a friend I was. She is now out of my life thinking that she cut ties on her own accord, but I know better.

She was a season. And although we had some good times, she was temporary nonetheless.

I was upset at first when our relationship ended, thinking “I was a good friend. How dare she?”

But, those are no longer my thoughts. Once, I heard the saying (I think from TD Jakes) that not everything that happens to you is because of you. Now I know what that means.

I will no longer wonder what I did or didn’t do to cause the relationship to end. I will just remember that everyone has their own journey, and has to do what they feel best to journey down that path.

Peace&Blessings to All who Read.

Let me know if you have had the same or a similar situation.


Getting Back to the Dream

So..it’s Summer ’16.

I’m 22 years old.

One Semester away from graduation…

And for some reason, these three things have been keeping me up at night for a few weeks now. I lay awake at night wondering why it seems like everyone else has their life together, and I don’t. How it seems like there are those who have graduated successfully, and have carved away a path to success that I have yet to venture down. I lay awake wondering where I went wrong in my college career to be stuck in the “sad” position that I am in…These are the thoughts that have kept me up at night.

If you know me, you know that I am a constant planner. I have two planning books; one for school and one for life. I have my daily schedules prepared to a “t”, but for some reason, my plans for beyond graduation are a bit hazy…and it is driving me crazy. I consider myself to be a successful student: I go to almost every class, I stress to success, I have great relationships with most of my teachers, and I get good grades…but for some reason, I feel incomplete…like I am missing something. I thought college was supposed to expose me to what I wanted to be…

I am here, with six months left until I graduate, and I have to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life, or at least have an idea. But, what if my idea isn’t good enough? What if what I “WANT” to do, isn’t what is deemed as appropriate? How do I mix my passions with my career?

I can’t help but think that either college was a waste of time and money, or that I chose the wrong major…

In the business college, they push “corporate corporate corporate” down your throat so hard that it seems like that’s really what you want to do with your life…til you realize at the end of senior year that it is not. Now what?

What if I have an idea, or dream, of what I want to be that is mixture of my passions? What if it is a mirror of my personality, but I am not sure how to get started? The dream of the person that I want to be is a total contradiction to my schooling…

It seems like whenever I am around older adults, they always ask me “Well, what are you plans in life?” “What do you want your career to be?” “Marketing and International Business? Wow. What are you going to do with that?”. I have come to a point where I am tired of lying. I have multiple stories that I have come up with the end those dull conversations, when what I really want to say is “Stop asking me. I don’t know. I am pretty sure I chose the wrong major, but I am not repeating these four years of college?”

So now what? What do you do when you’re feeling stuck and don’t know where to go.

How do you get back on track?

How do you find a job, or start a career that you love?


As I sit and think about what I could have done better, I can’t help but think that, at some point, I fell off of my path. I feel that I started out knowing exactly who I was and what I wanted to be. Somehow, though, something or someone took that away from me. Society? Friends? Family? Some external force caused me to change who I wanted to become…

I believe that every child starts off with what they want to be when they grow up. Sometimes what they want to be is magical or sometimes ordinary. But, never the less, their innocent, unfiltered, uncontaminated minds picked that as what they wanted to be. If this is true, why did we change our minds? Why did I change my mind?

This is what I was thinking about one night as I was having a pity party for myself:

I was feeling like a failure for not having my life planned out better.

I was feeling like I was not going anywhere.

I was feeling that I was going to be lost after graduation.

“What do you want to do with your life?”

“What do you want to do with your self?”

“You want to be successful, don’t you?”

And, as I was sinking deeper and deeper…I thought about how simple life was when I was younger…when I didn’t have to think about these things…

and that’s when it dawned on me. My passions dawned on me.

When I was younger, like elementary school aged, I wanted to be a writer.  I would come home from school and write short stories and poems. I loved creating characters and story plots in my head. It allowed me to get away, or express emotions that I did not know how to express with my voice. In middle school I kept journals of poetry (and I mean multiple, multiple multiple journals). It was also around that time that I wanted be become a photographer. I remember saving up for my first digital camera and loving taking pictures of sunsets and nature…I dreamed of being a photographer for the National Geographic. Funny, right?

But somewhere between the end of middle school and the end of college, my mindset changed. Somewhere, I was told that that wasn’t enough. That I had to choose. That I couldn’t be everything. That I wasn’t going to make enough money. That I should major in Business. That my career should be in Business. That corporate was the only way for me to go. After a while, I started to believe that, and I started to want that…until now.


I have had the same, unwavering passions my whole life. Why not use those to my advantage. Why not dream of the careers that I have dreamed of in the past. Why can’t I be that writer, or photographer, or (now) that blogger?

I realized that I was so wrapped up in trying to make myself something else, a mold of another being, a copy of what I was being taught…but I’m not that. I’m a #creative. And for years I have been burying it.

…But I can no longer do that.

I don’t know how…or when…

But I am getting back to my original dream…the unfiltered dream that was manifested by an uncontaminated child who knew exactly who she was.


Diaries of the (Un)Natural pt. 1

So…Yesterday I decided to try something new.

But, before I get into that I’m just going to say that I have been “experimenting” with my hair for the past month or so.

It all started when one day I was on YouTube (like I usually am) watching Natural Hair Care tutorials (like I usually do) and realizing that I need to stop being lazy with my hair. In every hair care tutorial, each tutorial giver had a set routine that kept their hair in place for a while. I soon realized that I didn’t have that.

I didn’t have curls that lasted for days. At the end of every day, I was re-wetting my hair, re-putting conditioner in it, putting it in two buns and going to sleep.

I always told myself that I was “too lazy” or that I had “too much hair” do go through all the steps that the other Naturals when through, yet slightly envying the way their hair turned out.

I had (have) no routine for my hair. I just did whatever and went. And, while my hair still grew, I can’t help but wonder if my hair would be healthier if I did have a set routine.

….So…over the past month or so I have been experimenting with different wash and go routines. Figuring out which gel works best (and finding out that although every other Natural seems to love EcoStyler Olive Oil…i hate it. Maybe I should try the others?), and finding which combinations of products work best.

Finding out that detangling outside of the shower makes my scalp hurt, while detangling in the shower wastes water (no win-win situation here). Ugh…this process of exploration is annoying and hard…

But this leads me back to my first statement. YESTERDAY, I TRIED SOMETHING NEW!

The ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar) rinse. If you know me, you know that I hate using shampoo on my hair. I usually just co-wash unless I feel that my is particularly disgusting. The ACV rinse really cleansed my scalp (like all of the YouTubers claimed that it would), and it also is a natural de-tangler; my hair separated so easily while I massaged my scalp…I have never experienced that EVER in my life.

The only mistake I made is that I forgot to dilute the ACV. In stead of having a 1 part ACV and 2 part water mixure (like I was supposed to), I had all parts ACV. Oops. But hey, I was never one to follow rules! (I’ll let you know if I go bald).

Below are some pictures of my process.



So, here are the products that were used. I also used olive oil btw.

So, I started off with six sections and rinsed and co-washed each individually. If you don’t know me, I have a lot of hair. Therefore, washing my hair in one big section is slightly pointless because I will leave that shower with my hair just as dirty as I entered. So, depending on how I am feeling, I separate my hair into either four or six sections to ensure optimum cleanliness.


Since ACV stinks…really badly…I ended each rinse with a co-wash with my Renpure Coconut Creme Co-wash. This baby leaves my hair with my favorite scent (coconut) and leaves my hair soft and clean.

After washing, I separate my hair into six section and deep condition with a Carrot Conditioner mixed with an Anti-breakage Leave-In. In the past, I used to mix my own concoctions using mayonnaise, honey and other conditioners, but I have since gotten lazy. Yikes. But I will be getting back to all of that very soon.


After rinsing the deep conditioner, I separated my hair in to ten sections (five on each side).


This Buttercream is something that is kinda new from this line. It is very thick and really adds moisture to my hair. I used this leave-in and Olive Oil to twist my hair. After 3 Hours of twisting….these are the results.

Like I said before, I am changing (or starting) a new regimen. Instead of having my hair “Out” all of the time, I am going to have two weeks where my hair is twisted or in some protective style, or two weeks of it out in a wash and go.


So, yesterday was a full day…Literally spent most of my…majority of it..almost all of it doing my hair…

Moscato was much needed…and tea even more.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment. I will also be posting more post like these soon!



What To Say When You Find Out Your Kid’s A Rapist

The other day, I was in the shower wondering about how I would react if my (future) child ever committed a crime such as this…and then I come across this article.

Just Alyssa

Screen Shot 2016-06-05 at 8.26.44 PMBrock Turner was convicted of violently raping an incapacitated woman, but his father, Dan, thinks his loss of appetite is enough punishment.

I’m a parent. I know what it’s like to worry, sometimes irrationally, about the horrors that could befall my kid. I have imagined everything from kidnapping to cancer, miscarriage to….. well, let’s just say that in my mind I have already nursed her through every injury, illness and personal tragedy that my very-creative mind can come up with.

I haven’t prepared for the possibility that she could be the perpetrator of horror on someone else’s child. But, thanks to Dan Turner, the clueless fuck of a father who raised Brock Turner, the aspiring young athlete who raped a drunk woman behind a dumpster when she was passed out, I have now thought that through too.

And I think I have a grasp on what I would say if…

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The Eye of The Beholder

So, recently, I have had a lot of time on my hands. The semester is over, finals are complete, and work hasn’t started yet….

So, therefore, in my free time, I watch a lot of discussions and interviews on YouTube. I love getting other people’s opinions on different topics, and seeing how they compare or contrast with my own.

Just this morning, I watched a video called Mind over Body, and, in short, it discussed how women are viewed, and the messages that we receive on how we can attract men. Views such as, “well if you dress modestly and respectfully, you’ll attract respectful men” or the opposite “If you dress like you only want sex, then that is what you’ll receive from a man”.

(***These quotes are used to summarize what was said, and are not directly from the video***)

I also watched a video from the same producers about Ayesha Curry and her views on how to dress for “her man”.

The common denominator for both videos, in my opinion, is that women have always been taught how and how not to dress, and for what reasons to dress. Freedom of dress for women is somewhat a brand new topic, seeing as how, for generations, there have been rules and double standards placed on us about how we dress and the effects it will have on men. These thoughts and assumptions are seen from birth (the differentiation of male and female babies with pink and blue), to perception of worth, to the wearing of make-up, to rape culture.

So, what is my opinion on how women should dress? Should we be modest or should we expose what we deem beautiful?

Overall, I believe in the power of the Woman. Now granted, I am young. So, therefore, I have not experienced full womanhood, but I do very much still consider myself to be a woman. I am a woman with intellectual thoughts, and with insecurities. I am a woman with quirks, but is still reserved. There are many different angles and facets to me that makes me a woman, and one of those “angles” is the way I express myself through dress.

As much as I do believe that first impressions are what impact others, especially the opposite sex, I believe that your morals and values are what separates you from the rest, and defines who who are as a person; not the way that you dress. Yes, it is true that men are visual creatures, so when they see legs, or boobs or stomach or back…or even fingers…they can go crazy with “wonder”. The “wonder” of what else is there. The “wonder” of “well her legs look nice, so must her stomach…oh and her stomach looks nice, so must her breast..her breast look nice, now let me actually look at her face”. Now I’m not saying that all guys think like this, but this is my interpretation the thought process of a “visual creature”.

But, I feel that the misconception occurs when women believe, and men state, that this “wonder” only occurs when a woman is “half dressed”. I am a firm believer that a women can be fully clothed, on an average day, with no intention of gaining attention, and a man can still find some reason to “wonder” about her. Clothes don’t stop physical attraction, but the lesser amount may enhance it. A women can walk confidently on a sweatsuit and a man will still try to talk to her, in the same way that she can be dressed for the bars or the club and still get talked to or danced on. The only difference is the respect of the approach or the amount of pursuers. But in either situation, the woman should not be blamed for the approach, or the man’s “wonder”, because she has no control over the man’s mind and thought processes. The only thing that she has control over is how she feels like dressing that day, if she feels like putting make up on, or if she feels like wearing heels.

I feel that women should be able to dress anyway they feel, without the fear of being retaliated against or talked about in any way. There is power in every women whether she prides herself on modesty or prides herself on her body. At the end of the day, a lot of the way we are stems from overcoming past insecurities. So…a woman used to be made fun of for her size and now she adores it and shows it off. So…a woman used clothes as a shield against society and now has the confidence to branch out, try new things, and not care what others think. So…a woman used to dress less to gain the approval of a man and now realizes that she can be equally as stunning when she is more covered. All of that stems power. All of that equals power. All of that is symbolic of a woman regaining her power in a world that revolves around the desires of men.

So, what is my opinion on how to dress? Dress according to you: not according to parents or family, and definitely not for the eyes of men. There is only one life given to you, so you should live it for yourself.

***I would like to say that what was discussed is only a small portion of their arguments, and if you wish to watch the whole videos, click the links. Thank you***

So, this is my rant today…now time for a glass of moscato = )