Recently, a friend and I decided to go our separate ways.
Well, that’s not entirely how the story line went, and, I have to say, I actually don’t know the story line. I don’t know what happened, or how it happened, or when it happened…but it did. And, to be quite honest, although there isn’t much clarity in the situation, I don’t need it.
Recently, a friend and I decided to go our separate ways, and I am better because of it.
It was a sudden change, at least that’s what I thought. We went from hanging out in my apartment a few weeks before, to “let’s just be cordial” and “I don’t want to hurt your feelings” text messages after I had expressed concern.
It was a sudden change; One of those things that catches you off guard. One of those things that makes you wonder, “Well, what did I do?”, “Where did I go wrong?”…questions that I find I ask myself when any relationship ends…as if the ending of the relationship was somehow my fault. Now, I do not claim to be a perfect person nor a perfect friend, but I can honestly say that I do my very best.
I can say that during that “sudden change”, my emotions varied. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. The typical emotions that one feels when they know they’ve been cheated. The main feeling that I felt was that my best wasn’t good enough, but my flaws were. Needless to say, I was hurt.
But, by the end of the day, I noticed that there was a change within myself. I felt heavy. At first, I thought of it as my anger or sadness or combination of the two. But, then realized that that wasn’t it. That wasn’t it because I was smiling. I can’t explain it, but it was like something was filling me up. I was driving, on my way home when this was happening. I had expected to go to bed that night miserable. But I wasn’t miserable at all. I had incredible joy.
This may confuse some who are reading this expecting this to be some sad blog of a girl who lost a friend. But this post is of a girl (me) who lost a friend, but gained back something more valuable. I had a realization that the relationship that I was in with this “friend” was very one sided. I had given so much energy and love to a person, but I can’t say that that same energy and love was equally given back. Now, I am not here to bash this person; what good would that do my spirit. But I will say that I can remember all of the times that I was there to comfort, aid and support, but I cannot remember the same being given in return. I am here to say that all the late night crying sessions, advice givings, consoling, talking about God…all of that energy has been given back to me. It was the strangest feeling…almost like I wasn’t suppose to feel sad about my “loss”…because it wasn’t a loss. It was a lesson. One of God’s lessons, no doubt (and a long one at that. I knew this person for two years).
Preacher Joseph Prince once said in one of his sermons that if you drink from human relationships, you will thirst again. I remember writing this down and thinking that it only pertained to dating and always wanting to be in a relationship. Now I realize that this pertains to all relationships; even friends. I realized that I was so caught up in trying to be That Good Friend, that I chose to ignore the signs. I realized that I was somewhat dependent on this relationship, as if it proved how good of a friend I was. She is now out of my life thinking that she cut ties on her own accord, but I know better.
She was a season. And although we had some good times, she was temporary nonetheless.
I was upset at first when our relationship ended, thinking “I was a good friend. How dare she?”
But, those are no longer my thoughts. Once, I heard the saying (I think from TD Jakes) that not everything that happens to you is because of you. Now I know what that means.
I will no longer wonder what I did or didn’t do to cause the relationship to end. I will just remember that everyone has their own journey, and has to do what they feel best to journey down that path.
Peace&Blessings to All who Read.
Let me know if you have had the same or a similar situation.