Note to Self #1

diary rant:

I am learning that the art of Self Love isn’t just learning to love your skin and features.

I am learning that the art of Self Love isn’t just committed care to your physical well-being.

I am learning that Self Love also includes fighting what people can’t see, or what a gym can’t fix. Self love is taking the time to close your eyes and calm the worries of life away.

……

Lately I haven’t been able to sleep at night. I would go to bed between 11:30 and 12:30, only to still be lying awake around 3:30.

My mind is racing.

My mind is planning.

My mind is giving orders.

My mind is doing everything besides what it is supposed to be doing at that time; Resting.

(the lack of rest which affects my functionality later in the day)

I am learning that I need to rest. I need to learn, or to teach myself, how to rest. A big part of self love and self care is the ability for the body to rest.

NOTE TO OTHERS:

What is it that you need to be doing? Are you listening to your body and figuring out what it is telling you? Are you giving yourself all of the aspects of self love. I understand it is a journey…But this is something that we as human beings cannot look over.

For, if we don’t take care of ourselves (first), if we don’t love ourselves (first), then who will?

 

PS: This GOP Republican National Conventions is full of bullshit and makes my body hurt. Another reason why I cannot sleep. It’s poison.

 

Sipping my Tea.

 

Peace&Blessings.

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The Untitled One.

Journey

I think, for the first time, I am starting to understand what “journey” means, and how it relates to my life.

This Summer, as short as it has been thus far, has been the beginning of a Journey for me. It’s almost as if God has a lesson planning book, and the milestones that I am to reach are met at mid-night every night. It feels like He has patiently waited a long time to teach me whatever lesson He is trying to teach me…and in the end it will all be worth it.

This Summer, which really has just begun, has stamped a new beginning for me.

The job that I had, cut all of my hours.

The 20+ jobs that I have applied to since, (I’m assuming) no longer needs those positions filled.

I and a “friend” went our separate ways for reasons still unknown and unclear to me…

This all leads me to believe that these events cannot be a coincidence.

I have always been a person who moved at the speed of light; who had everything planned out; who sets goals and doesn’t rest until they’re accomplished; who believes in perfection; who is always working and has no time for “down-time”.

And yet, I think it is funny how everything that I had scheduled and planned has fell through; from jobs to friends.

I felt like a failure at the beginning of the summer; part of me still wants to (the weaker part of course). But, I am now embracing it. I now have to sit back and wonder if this is God showing me that I really don’t have control over my journey in life. I often find myself wondering if, when all this time I have restlessly and recklessly controlled my life (often to the point of stress and health concerns), that God has finally had enough.

Who Knows?

Looking back and re-reading this, I can hear my readers thoughts: “This is a lazy excuse.”

It may seem so, but to those who know me, know of my efforts. Those who know me also know of the rigorous routines and schedules I set for myself with the idea to rebuke any laziness when it comes to anything in my life…

But, then again, who am I?

All I know is that God has his reasons for Everything, and His timing for All things.

In the End, Whatever knowledge and wisdom that He planned for me to gain during this journey will be all worth it.

….

Sips Tea.

Peace&Blessings to All.

 

Is Tomorrow Promised for Us?

I wake up to the news that another one of Us has been shot dead.

I watched the video 5 times.

I saw him laying with his back to the ground.

I saw a Police officer with his knee in that man’s chest. I saw him pull out his gun, yell something, then shoot multiple times. I watched the video 5 times. Part of me believes what I saw because this type of incident occurs way too often. But the other part couldn’t believe that one human being would do this to another.

My heart and soul goes out to #AltonSterling and his family; His Wife and His Children.

…………..

In the Church, members have always heard the saying “Tomorrow is not Promised” in reference to giving your life to Christ while you still could; Before it was too late to do so. But now, I think of that phrase as a mantra for the society that We live in.

Is Tomorrow Promised to Us? Us, as in those of us of Color and of African Decent.

The answer is simple: No.

It is sad to think that every day, when we wake up and walk out of our house, people of African Decent have a pre-written death warrant waiting for Us. To think that when I walk out of my house today, I may not make it back home to safety due to a Cop’s particular attitude that particular day is scary. He’s pissed because the Doughnut Shop didn’t have strawberry sprinkled doughnuts and now he has to take it out on somebody. But, it can’t be someone that the Law cares about, so He chooses Us; Men and Women of Color, Men and Women of African Decent. Why? Because he can.

To think that going to the grocery store could be a hazard is scary.

To think that getting gas could be a hazard is scary.

To have a jolt of fear every time a Cop is driving behind me, is scary. Why? Because I could be next.

I could be the one handcuffed, pushed to the ground and shot unarmed. That could be me and there is nothing that anyone would be able to do about it because the System doesn’t protect Us. The System sends those Cops on Paid Leave and Makes sure that they don’t get convicted. The System makes sure that those Cop’s names aren’t tarnished, but would drag mine through the Mud. The System will dig up anything from my past and convince the public that I somehow deserved that treatment. That’s what would happen to me.

But, to be honest, my biggest fear about this scenario isn’t even for me. It’s for my Brother. My Brother, who is a promising Black teen who will turn into a Successful Black Man. My Brother who is gifted in both Academia and Athletics. My Brother who is Tall. My Brother who is Brown. My Brother who is Bold. My Brother who is unapologetically Black because our Parents raised us to be that way. My Brother who speaks his mind.

My Brother, who is a Black Boy who will Turn into a Black Man. My Brother who is the Ultimate Threat to This Society.

He is who I think about when these “stories” make the news or when I watch the video of the shootings or when I watch the widows and children cry.

Tomorrow is not Promised for Us. It is not Promised for me. But, I will take a stand now and find a way for it to be Promised for Him…even if it is at my own expense.

Peace&Blessings to you.

Moscato&Tea.