The one thing that I want for my daughter is for her to be more confident than I was as a child. I want her to be fearless in a world that’s determined to tear her down. I want her to be defiant in her beliefs. I want her to find power in her passions, and worth in her being. I want her to find beauty in every aspect of herself.
The following are a few of the things that I would like to teach my daughter, starting when she is young.
Everyone is a bit awkward. Everyone is a bit weird.
Dear Daughter, you are guaranteed to be weird and awkward. Why, you ask? Because fortunately (or unfortunately) you have me as your mother, and I am the most awkward person most people will ever meet. When you’re young, you’re going to want to suppress this, but don’t. Everyone is a bit quirky; some just try to hide it to be considered normal. I just want you to know that there is no such thing as normal. Normal is a myth that everyone strives to be…
Be Left of Center.
Growing up, I was always on a different wave length than the other kids. For the longest time I tried to blend in to be like everyone else. But, after a while, blending in became painful. Dear Daughter, most people won’t get you, nor should they. You are going to be a being that dances to your own rhythm, not anyone else’s. Never try to match your wavelength, or your vibration, to others. You are your own. So own it.
Having friends doesn’t make you; Not having them doesn’t break you.
Contrary to popular beliefs, the number of friends that you have does not determine your value. People are fickle, and they change over time. Don’t allow the “want” or “need” of companionship lead you astray.
The thoughts about you that matter most are yours.
Dear Daughter, begin your days with positive affirmations and meditation. Empower yourself, and realize your abilities. Find confidence and security within yourself to allow you to filter the bullshit that society will try to feed you. You are Beautiful, You are Smart. Any thought that is not of God and does not benefit you, isn’t for you. Please remember this.
Find what brings you joy & live by it.
There will be those who don’t see, or don’t believe, in your vision. I, too, may be one of those people. But don’t allow me or anyone else stop you from following your dreams. You are the writer of your life. Not me. Not anyone else. Focus on the things that make you happy, and achieve them.
Have a voice; don’t let anyone else write your autobiography.
Use your voice to speak out about what is right. Use your voice to speak out about what is wrong. Never allow anyone to speak for you. Not me, not your friends, and not a man (or significant other). You have control over your life. Speak the things you want into fruition, and it is bound to happen.
So…you’re single. And?
There were times when I struggled with this. But I have recently found that this is actually the perfect time to be single. I am finding new levels of myself that I never knew existed. I am at the point where I am not willing to give my time and energy to anyone who is undeserving. This, Daughter, is what I will tell you, starting in middle school when hormones kick in…then to high school, when the number of boyfriends you’ve had determines your popularity, then in college during “cuffing season”. So what you’re single? Being single is the perfect time to learn about yourself until God places you in the arms that you’re supposed to be in.
Self-Care is never Selfish.
My Daughter, you will have a generous spirit. But, please remember: Never give to others more than you give to yourself. Treat yourself as the Queen that you are…and be unapologetic about it.
Cry. It’s OK.
I have always hated crying. But I have learned that crying is a much needed release of emotion. Daughter, never allow emotions to build up inside of you. If you are like me, and need solitude, find your quiet place. Once there, take a deep breath…and Let it Go.
Daughter, pray without ceasing.