The Quiet Corner:

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Setting Boundaries and Forgiveness.

I have come to learn that not everyone deserves to roam through my soul.

 

I have learned a lot about myself this summer.

That is why I started The Quiet Corner. I wanted to share a few of my thoughts and epiphanies about myself with others to see who could possibly relate. This particular segment is about Boundaries and Forgiveness.

On Setting Boundaries:

I have learned this summer that I have my heart on display for everyone to see. That is not always a good thing.

I have learned this summer that I am kind beyond measure. In some instances, that is not a good thing, but I refuse to have my kindness taken away from me.

I have also learned that I love to give my 100% to those who I feel bonded to. But, I have also learned that (in some instances) the percent given in return isn’t of equal weight.

I have learned that there are those who enjoy jokes at one moment, and in the next, turn and attack.

There are times when I learn that I am confused and hurt, and allow the same cycle to repeat with those people who I feel bonded to.

…But this is to say no more. As a sensitive human being, there are boundaries that need to be set to guard you from people who try to take from you, whether it be acquaintances, friends, and even family. I refuse to allow those that I hold close unfairly drain me. Because how is that fair to me? I now refuse to have my kindness taken for weakness, jubilance twisted, and my laughter taken all for an individuals laps in confidence and their insecurity.

I now have boundaries.

Boundaries that will enable me to bounce back, and not stay down wondering “What did I do wrong?”

Boundaries are needed. Boundaries are necessary.

On Forgiveness:

Last night, I shared a video that HalfieTruths posted about forgiveness.

What stood out to me most was her statement that  the person that you need to forgive doesn’t have to be present to accept the forgiveness…

That statement resonated with me because there are people in my life who I need to forgive, but they wouldn’t be able to handle the conversation needed to get there. I find that when I attempt to have a conversation, the focus is often deflected, the problem is never resolved, and the tensions escalate. I find that, after these conversations, I end up angrier than I was before.

Nothing productive happened.

Nothing was resolved.

In her video, HalfieTruths gave the suggestion of writing a forgiveness letter to the person.

…Needless to say, I wrote two letters last night…

…Needless to say, my soul is no longer burdened with un-needed baggage; baggage that wasn’t mine to begin with anyway

Here is an excerpt from one of the letters that I wrote:

” But, with all of that said, I forgive you for all of your trespasses towards me. Who am I to carry all of this baggage around. I forgive you and you will no longer be a factor in my mental, physical and spiritual well being. I forgive you, and you will no longer occupy  space in my brain nor my soul, because, ma’am, you do not pay rent there. I forgive you, with all of my soul, because there is a small part of you that tries to tear me down, whether you know it or not. I forgive you because if I don’t, I will become another you…and I can’t pass that along.”

Choose boundaries and forgiveness my loves.

Peace&Blessings from yesterday and beyond.

Getting Back to the Dream

So..it’s Summer ’16.

I’m 22 years old.

One Semester away from graduation…

And for some reason, these three things have been keeping me up at night for a few weeks now. I lay awake at night wondering why it seems like everyone else has their life together, and I don’t. How it seems like there are those who have graduated successfully, and have carved away a path to success that I have yet to venture down. I lay awake wondering where I went wrong in my college career to be stuck in the “sad” position that I am in…These are the thoughts that have kept me up at night.

If you know me, you know that I am a constant planner. I have two planning books; one for school and one for life. I have my daily schedules prepared to a “t”, but for some reason, my plans for beyond graduation are a bit hazy…and it is driving me crazy. I consider myself to be a successful student: I go to almost every class, I stress to success, I have great relationships with most of my teachers, and I get good grades…but for some reason, I feel incomplete…like I am missing something. I thought college was supposed to expose me to what I wanted to be…

I am here, with six months left until I graduate, and I have to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life, or at least have an idea. But, what if my idea isn’t good enough? What if what I “WANT” to do, isn’t what is deemed as appropriate? How do I mix my passions with my career?

I can’t help but think that either college was a waste of time and money, or that I chose the wrong major…

In the business college, they push “corporate corporate corporate” down your throat so hard that it seems like that’s really what you want to do with your life…til you realize at the end of senior year that it is not. Now what?

What if I have an idea, or dream, of what I want to be that is mixture of my passions? What if it is a mirror of my personality, but I am not sure how to get started? The dream of the person that I want to be is a total contradiction to my schooling…

It seems like whenever I am around older adults, they always ask me “Well, what are you plans in life?” “What do you want your career to be?” “Marketing and International Business? Wow. What are you going to do with that?”. I have come to a point where I am tired of lying. I have multiple stories that I have come up with the end those dull conversations, when what I really want to say is “Stop asking me. I don’t know. I am pretty sure I chose the wrong major, but I am not repeating these four years of college?”

So now what? What do you do when you’re feeling stuck and don’t know where to go.

How do you get back on track?

How do you find a job, or start a career that you love?

…………………………………

As I sit and think about what I could have done better, I can’t help but think that, at some point, I fell off of my path. I feel that I started out knowing exactly who I was and what I wanted to be. Somehow, though, something or someone took that away from me. Society? Friends? Family? Some external force caused me to change who I wanted to become…

I believe that every child starts off with what they want to be when they grow up. Sometimes what they want to be is magical or sometimes ordinary. But, never the less, their innocent, unfiltered, uncontaminated minds picked that as what they wanted to be. If this is true, why did we change our minds? Why did I change my mind?

This is what I was thinking about one night as I was having a pity party for myself:

I was feeling like a failure for not having my life planned out better.

I was feeling like I was not going anywhere.

I was feeling that I was going to be lost after graduation.

“What do you want to do with your life?”

“What do you want to do with your self?”

“You want to be successful, don’t you?”

And, as I was sinking deeper and deeper…I thought about how simple life was when I was younger…when I didn’t have to think about these things…

and that’s when it dawned on me. My passions dawned on me.

When I was younger, like elementary school aged, I wanted to be a writer.  I would come home from school and write short stories and poems. I loved creating characters and story plots in my head. It allowed me to get away, or express emotions that I did not know how to express with my voice. In middle school I kept journals of poetry (and I mean multiple, multiple multiple journals). It was also around that time that I wanted be become a photographer. I remember saving up for my first digital camera and loving taking pictures of sunsets and nature…I dreamed of being a photographer for the National Geographic. Funny, right?

But somewhere between the end of middle school and the end of college, my mindset changed. Somewhere, I was told that that wasn’t enough. That I had to choose. That I couldn’t be everything. That I wasn’t going to make enough money. That I should major in Business. That my career should be in Business. That corporate was the only way for me to go. After a while, I started to believe that, and I started to want that…until now.

 

I have had the same, unwavering passions my whole life. Why not use those to my advantage. Why not dream of the careers that I have dreamed of in the past. Why can’t I be that writer, or photographer, or (now) that blogger?

I realized that I was so wrapped up in trying to make myself something else, a mold of another being, a copy of what I was being taught…but I’m not that. I’m a #creative. And for years I have been burying it.

…But I can no longer do that.

I don’t know how…or when…

But I am getting back to my original dream…the unfiltered dream that was manifested by an uncontaminated child who knew exactly who she was.

 

Diaries of the (Un)Natural pt. 1

So…Yesterday I decided to try something new.

But, before I get into that I’m just going to say that I have been “experimenting” with my hair for the past month or so.

It all started when one day I was on YouTube (like I usually am) watching Natural Hair Care tutorials (like I usually do) and realizing that I need to stop being lazy with my hair. In every hair care tutorial, each tutorial giver had a set routine that kept their hair in place for a while. I soon realized that I didn’t have that.

I didn’t have curls that lasted for days. At the end of every day, I was re-wetting my hair, re-putting conditioner in it, putting it in two buns and going to sleep.

I always told myself that I was “too lazy” or that I had “too much hair” do go through all the steps that the other Naturals when through, yet slightly envying the way their hair turned out.

I had (have) no routine for my hair. I just did whatever and went. And, while my hair still grew, I can’t help but wonder if my hair would be healthier if I did have a set routine.

….So…over the past month or so I have been experimenting with different wash and go routines. Figuring out which gel works best (and finding out that although every other Natural seems to love EcoStyler Olive Oil…i hate it. Maybe I should try the others?), and finding which combinations of products work best.

Finding out that detangling outside of the shower makes my scalp hurt, while detangling in the shower wastes water (no win-win situation here). Ugh…this process of exploration is annoying and hard…

But this leads me back to my first statement. YESTERDAY, I TRIED SOMETHING NEW!

The ACV (Apple Cider Vinegar) rinse. If you know me, you know that I hate using shampoo on my hair. I usually just co-wash unless I feel that my is particularly disgusting. The ACV rinse really cleansed my scalp (like all of the YouTubers claimed that it would), and it also is a natural de-tangler; my hair separated so easily while I massaged my scalp…I have never experienced that EVER in my life.

The only mistake I made is that I forgot to dilute the ACV. In stead of having a 1 part ACV and 2 part water mixure (like I was supposed to), I had all parts ACV. Oops. But hey, I was never one to follow rules! (I’ll let you know if I go bald).

Below are some pictures of my process.

 

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So, here are the products that were used. I also used olive oil btw.

So, I started off with six sections and rinsed and co-washed each individually. If you don’t know me, I have a lot of hair. Therefore, washing my hair in one big section is slightly pointless because I will leave that shower with my hair just as dirty as I entered. So, depending on how I am feeling, I separate my hair into either four or six sections to ensure optimum cleanliness.

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Since ACV stinks…really badly…I ended each rinse with a co-wash with my Renpure Coconut Creme Co-wash. This baby leaves my hair with my favorite scent (coconut) and leaves my hair soft and clean.

After washing, I separate my hair into six section and deep condition with a Carrot Conditioner mixed with an Anti-breakage Leave-In. In the past, I used to mix my own concoctions using mayonnaise, honey and other conditioners, but I have since gotten lazy. Yikes. But I will be getting back to all of that very soon.

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After rinsing the deep conditioner, I separated my hair in to ten sections (five on each side).

 

This Buttercream is something that is kinda new from this line. It is very thick and really adds moisture to my hair. I used this leave-in and Olive Oil to twist my hair. After 3 Hours of twisting….these are the results.

Like I said before, I am changing (or starting) a new regimen. Instead of having my hair “Out” all of the time, I am going to have two weeks where my hair is twisted or in some protective style, or two weeks of it out in a wash and go.

 

So, yesterday was a full day…Literally spent most of my…majority of it..almost all of it doing my hair…

Moscato was much needed…and tea even more.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment. I will also be posting more post like these soon!